Top Tips for becoming more positive

You know that old adage, ‘Smile and the whole world smiles with you‘? There’s also that glass measurement, ‘Half full or half empty‘.

If you are running on half empty, sayings like these can be [bleep, bleep – please feel free to insert your own vocabulary here!] annoying.  That said, there is definitely something in them.

Notice people around you – without being too obvious or harassing anybody – and consider their personas, how they approach challenges, how they manage change, the quality of their interactions. Who do you admire? Who do you warm to? And… who would you choose to work with?

Who would you reeeally like on your team at work or play?

I’m not presuming anything fantastic here because there are lots of factors and variables that will affect us. One assumption I am making is that most of us do not automatically gravitate towards the person who constantly looks for flaws and faults, who continually raises more arguments against than for, who frowns more than they smile, and who can – at their absolute peak – suck the life force out of everybody around them. [By the way, I am talking norms here – this attitude and behaviour are the norm for this particular person. It’s not a case of somebody temporarily going through a rough patch.]

We know full well that we can all change IF (a) we decide to and (b) we really really want to. We’re talking about reprogramming our thinking and our automatic reactions to situations. Speaking personally, I am not wanting to smile and whistle all the time, but I do want to adopt a more Positive Mental Attitude (PMA) that serves me well in what I do and how I interact with people. Here are some tips which you might like for starters…

1. Be self-aware (more than usual): Set yourself a timeframe (eg, 3 days, a week) to notice your attitude, your language, how you respond and react to different people and situations. Do you bring out the best in people? Do you contribute to things as positively and proactively as you can? What do you contribute? What do you ‘bring to the table’?
2. Notice your language: As a basic starter, notice your use of negative stock phrases like ‘Not too bad’ (in response to ‘How’s it going?’), ‘I don’t see why not’ (in response to ‘Can we do X…?’). Practise switching to more definite and positive vocabulary and phrasing, if you need to. It’s the increasing self-awareness and consciousness that are important here.
3. Take small steps to test out a new approach: This is about setting yourself some goals to break subconscious negative habits/patterns and consciously replace them with better habits/patterns. Eg, when you automatically think ‘This won’t work because…’, stop yourself and come up with 2 reasons why it could (or will) work. You could even adopt this as a team approach.
4. Have realistic expectations: If you are a perfection seeker, when do you feel satisfied? Whilst a continuous improvement philosophy can be a necessity, take time to recognise and enjoy what’s working well right now. Similarly, good enough can be good enough. Invest greatest effort and energy in what is most important.
5. Balance perspectives: Avoid letting worry, or fear of success or failure, become big stumbling blocks. Failure is actually an outcome that can be changed. Facing up to fear inducing tasks or situations, and then devising a strategy for working on them, can grow PMA. It’s the action of taking control that provides uplift and momentum for change.
6. Adopt a solution focus: Instead of analysing a problem (which can actually escalate it by placing emphasis on blame, causal factors, negative impacts and consequences), adopt an alternative perspective. By defining how you want something to be can open up the mind to options and unlock solutions. The more detailed you can be, the clearer you will be about your starting position. What’s working well right now? What should you do more of? What isn’t working for you so needs to stop? What experience and skills can you use? What resources can you call upon? What steps can you take right now to make things happen?

Let me know what you think! If you need to check anything, get in touch.  Ditto, if you have any experiences to share.

What’s the problem? Announcing a platform change!

Have you ever noticed how problem-solving can actually emphasise all of the negative aspects – What’s not working?, What or who is to blame?, The causal factors?, The impacts and the consequences? 

The whole process often leads to a prolonged look backwards and in-depth analysis of the component parts and contributing factors.

A detailed re-run of events – Who did or said what?, What happened exactly?, Why did they do that?, What on earth were people thinking of? – brings to the surface raw emotions, accusatory posturing and reactionary defensiveness, whipping up puffy gusts of disharmony, dissatisfaction and out-and-out disgruntlement.

Even the simple and seemingly open question, ‘What’s wrong?’ can lead the person being asked to frame their reply from a negative perspective. 

Speaking personally, once I’ve plugged into a problem I can find myself sucked into it to such an extent that my energy and, quite often, my clarity of focus get zapped.  By the end of the exploration of my problem I’m left pretty much drained of any enthusiasm or gusto that could, if applied differently from the outset, propel me towards a resolution. 

There’s also that fascinating human tendency either to talk a problem up or play it down depending on the circumstance of the problem airing and the company in which we are orchestrating the problem sharing!  Either way, the factual accuracy and objectivity surrounding the problem become fuzzy at best or radically distorted at worst! 

Maybe, then, it’s more than just a good idea to change platforms for viewing destinations and solutions?  From my perspective, as a coach working with people to achieve positive changes and improvements in their professional and personal lives, it’s pretty much essential!

A solution focus – a cornerstone of an effective coaching process – will lead you to look forward to how you want things to be when the problem is resolved.  It means you have to look at things differently, from a completely different perspective.

By defining how you want something to be opens up your mind to options and unlocks solutions. 

The more detailed you are about how you want something to work or look or feel, the clearer you can be about your starting position… 

• What’s working well for you right now? 
• What should you do more of? 
• What isn’t working for you so needs to stop? 
• What experience and skills can you use? 
• What resources can you call upon (meaning people, knowledge, skills, and experience, rather than purely financial)? 
• What steps can you take right now to make things happen?

Adopting a solution focus reroutes your mindset from deficits and shortcomings to a much more constructive and, therefore, liberating consideration of possibilities, ways ahead, and, importantly, those actions that you feel ready and motivated to take.

Appraising strengths, what’s going well, what’s being worked towards, and those resources already in place to get there, generates momentum and motivation.  Whilst talking about a problem can actually escalate it (or, at least, not alleviate the feelings of negativity that surround it) because of the tendency to make assumptions and subjective analyses, a solution focus offers a much more comfortable and positive platform for embarkation.

Next time you get stuck in a problem – whether it be your own or another person’s – invest in this alternative approach.  It can be mighty powerful and deliver great results! 

If you need to check anything about the process, please do get in touch.  Ditto, if you have experiences or comments to share. 

I will be delighted to hear from you!