Top Tips for becoming more positive

You know that old adage, ‘Smile and the whole world smiles with you‘? There’s also that glass measurement, ‘Half full or half empty‘.

If you are running on half empty, sayings like these can be [bleep, bleep – please feel free to insert your own vocabulary here!] annoying.  That said, there is definitely something in them.

Notice people around you – without being too obvious or harassing anybody – and consider their personas, how they approach challenges, how they manage change, the quality of their interactions. Who do you admire? Who do you warm to? And… who would you choose to work with?

Who would you reeeally like on your team at work or play?

I’m not presuming anything fantastic here because there are lots of factors and variables that will affect us. One assumption I am making is that most of us do not automatically gravitate towards the person who constantly looks for flaws and faults, who continually raises more arguments against than for, who frowns more than they smile, and who can – at their absolute peak – suck the life force out of everybody around them. [By the way, I am talking norms here – this attitude and behaviour are the norm for this particular person. It’s not a case of somebody temporarily going through a rough patch.]

We know full well that we can all change IF (a) we decide to and (b) we really really want to. We’re talking about reprogramming our thinking and our automatic reactions to situations. Speaking personally, I am not wanting to smile and whistle all the time, but I do want to adopt a more Positive Mental Attitude (PMA) that serves me well in what I do and how I interact with people. Here are some tips which you might like for starters…

1. Be self-aware (more than usual): Set yourself a timeframe (eg, 3 days, a week) to notice your attitude, your language, how you respond and react to different people and situations. Do you bring out the best in people? Do you contribute to things as positively and proactively as you can? What do you contribute? What do you ‘bring to the table’?
2. Notice your language: As a basic starter, notice your use of negative stock phrases like ‘Not too bad’ (in response to ‘How’s it going?’), ‘I don’t see why not’ (in response to ‘Can we do X…?’). Practise switching to more definite and positive vocabulary and phrasing, if you need to. It’s the increasing self-awareness and consciousness that are important here.
3. Take small steps to test out a new approach: This is about setting yourself some goals to break subconscious negative habits/patterns and consciously replace them with better habits/patterns. Eg, when you automatically think ‘This won’t work because…’, stop yourself and come up with 2 reasons why it could (or will) work. You could even adopt this as a team approach.
4. Have realistic expectations: If you are a perfection seeker, when do you feel satisfied? Whilst a continuous improvement philosophy can be a necessity, take time to recognise and enjoy what’s working well right now. Similarly, good enough can be good enough. Invest greatest effort and energy in what is most important.
5. Balance perspectives: Avoid letting worry, or fear of success or failure, become big stumbling blocks. Failure is actually an outcome that can be changed. Facing up to fear inducing tasks or situations, and then devising a strategy for working on them, can grow PMA. It’s the action of taking control that provides uplift and momentum for change.
6. Adopt a solution focus: Instead of analysing a problem (which can actually escalate it by placing emphasis on blame, causal factors, negative impacts and consequences), adopt an alternative perspective. By defining how you want something to be can open up the mind to options and unlock solutions. The more detailed you can be, the clearer you will be about your starting position. What’s working well right now? What should you do more of? What isn’t working for you so needs to stop? What experience and skills can you use? What resources can you call upon? What steps can you take right now to make things happen?

Let me know what you think! If you need to check anything, get in touch.  Ditto, if you have any experiences to share.

FGF – do you want more?

Pick out the ingredients that create Feel Good Factor for you.  Notice them, measure them, decide what you need more or less of, then get cracking and take control of those things within your control.

Build buffers for downtimes and stormy weathers, discover antidotes to those long enduring demands and pressures that you know wear you down, fortify your spirits (I’m not meaning the alcoholic variety!).

Keep things manageable and set a rhythm that works for you.  Start with 5 FGF components and adapt or add to them.  Let me know how you get on.

1  Mood Foods:

Become more conscious of how your mood is affected by certain foods, particularly if you experience mood swings.  Do a bit of research for yourself – google ‘mood foods’ or ‘food and mood’.  Start to make some adjustments to your diet – what and when you eat – and test your reactions and the effects on your moods.  Keep a diary and treat it like an experiment.  Be prepared to replace old foods that work against you with new booster foods.

2  Energy:

You could combine your mood food experiment with tracking your energy levels because energy and mood fluctuations are so closely linked. Improve your sleep pattern and practise switching off.  Your aim is to be able to rest and recharge for maximum energy when you need and want it.  Get active to energise yourself, then allow yourself time to relax and unwind to balance your busyness.  Notice your peak hours –  when your energy is at its highest – and use those peak hours to their fullest.

3  Good Company: 

Spend more time with the people whose company you enjoy most.  Join up to try new activities.  Have regular get-togethers.  Talk more, laugh often, be interested in what’s happening locally, find out what’s happening where you live, get involved in community events, celebrate special occasions together, build up a strong support network.  Set up an interest group; use social media to publicise.  Be sociable.  Review relationships that don’t work for you and be prepared to make changes.  Invest in relationships that do work.  And, above all, value friendship and camaraderie.

4  Fun:

Set yourself goals to do more of what you enjoy.  Make space in your diary.   Don’t rely on the weather!  Make it part of your routine to look for things to do, places to go, people to meet.  Commit to following through.  Don’t let yourself opt out at the last minute.  Arrange to do things as a group if it helps.  Take it in turns to arrange an activity every month or couple of weeks.  Let your hair down, swing on the swings, run into the sea, go go-karting, have more picnics (indoors if needs be!), host more parties.  Recapture your childhood and youth. The simplest things can be the best.

5  New Experiences:

A bit like a bucket list, what have you always wanted to do that you haven’t got around to yet?  What have you been tempted to do, but  then lost your nerve?  What would nudge you out of your comfort zone to stretch you a bit?  What excites you?  What do you feel passionate about?  What  have you read or heard about that made you sit up and take notice?  Set yourself a target of trying something new every 3 months.  Keep a log of what you do.  At the end of the year, review & revel in all your achievements!

Please put your hands together… for The Feel Good Factor!

Even if fortunate enough to escape crises and traumas, a lot of us can find ourselves struggling to ride the highs and lows of everyday life and hectic lifestyles.

Though most of us hope for more highs than lows, not so many of us actively invest in boosting The Feel Good Factor in our lives.  We all recognise and relish it when it presents, and it’s difficult not to regard it as an essential for getting the most out of life.  We know it creates resilience, sustenance and buoyancy for navigating choppy waters and avoiding head dunks. 

Think about the typical uplifts and let downs across the seasons.  Take this past year in the UK as being highly illustrative of the contrasting highs and lows. 

Music, magic and merry mayhem… Sunshine and roses… Summertime get-togethers outdoors…  Breaking waves foaming onto golden sands…  Without being overly poetic or squishy, pick up any mainstream women’s magazine during the advent of summer and you will be hit by a big and very welcome dollop of FGF.  Sunshine, barbecues, celebrations and The Golden Jubilee all featured prominently.

Anticipating sun drenched summer days, warm summer evenings, gardens filled with heavily scented flora and those flying insects invited in (I’m thinking butterflies, bees and ladybirds, but I am no expert), we start to dust off our summer wardrobes, pack away our winter woollies, shove the trials and tribulations of the winter months into storage, and firmly decide to shelve those niggling jobs that really should have got done in the winter months (well, they may as well wait til autumn now!).  Then we tilt our expectant faces upwards ready to catch the golden glow of the sun’s rays.

An unusually warm week of spring sunshine whets our appetites, heralds dreams of leisure time dedicated to relaxation, much needed post-winter revitalisation and national celebration.  But then, no sooner have smiles broadened and excitement grown, our FGF gets quashed.

Within a fortnight of a 10-day dry spell, warnings of a widespread hosepipe ban are transmitted across the land because prolonged periods of low or no precipitation have taken their toll and, what’s more, crop prices are set to soar.  Political bun-fighting continues to make news headlines, doom and gloom forecasts surround the nation’s economic ill health, a reflection of the near fatal conditions around the globe.

And then… (wait for it), yes the rains come in torrents, monsoon-like, bursting riverbanks and flooding arid land unable to cope with several months’ downpour dumped in a single load in a single day.  FGF gurgles down the drains with the storm debris. 

It is small wonder that the weather is a conversation starter amongst us Brits.  It consistently plays a lead role in the showing of FGF and yet it can let us down badly. It cannot be relied on to deliver, so where to look next?  The Diamond Jubilee Pageant – the spectacular regatta on the Thames – a great success in spite of the weather.  People power carried it, combining enthusiasm, stoicism and brollies.  Bring on The Games!

Positive people power was displayed in abundance by the Olympians and Paralympians and all supporters.  FGF relayed across the crowds generating camaraderie, shared passion and patriotic pride. 

Mood uplift – widespread and rapid – led to high octane filled synergy.  Focused determination and efforts of the competitors motivated and inspired.  Absolutely blooming fabulous.  

Opinions were transformed by the dedication and performance of everybody involved (volunteers and competitors alike).  Efforts and achievements were regarded with eyes and minds opened up to new possibilities.  The preceding negativity and gloominess were well and truly offset by the tidal wave of positivity.  What an impact!