Coaching… A Choice Point, A Launchpad or Both?

An essential feature of coaching is the dedicated time and space to think, analyse, review, debrief, without any risk of being judged or criticised. The objectivity of the coach is an important feature of coaching.

Sessions provide a ‘quiet’ place and an opportunity to filter thoughts and ideas, to step back from pressures, strains, all of that surrounding noise and busyness, to gain clarity and fresh perspectives.

Coaching is not a 2-way street; there is no need for reciprocation. A session focuses 100% on the client, their goals, their choices, their achievements.

Quite often there is a breakthrough moment when everything suddenly becomes clear and straightforward, when decisions or actions that previously had felt overwhelming now present as much more straightforward and attainable. Choices can be made from a position of strength and actions implemented within a results-oriented framework.

Success Snapshot

• Alan is a middle manager who was encountering a big dip in confidence and motivation at work following a prolonged rough patch and a fair bit of criticism from his managers and colleagues
• His personal relationships with his partner and family were suffering and he was struggling to see a way forward
• Because Alan was entering the coaching programme on a low ebb, we needed to increase his energy and motivation before we could begin to explore ways forward
• We concentrated on his strengths, what he enjoyed doing, what he was good at, what he used to do but had given up, new pursuits that interested him, ideas that inspired, professional and personal achievements that illustrated his multiple skill-sets and competence
• Enabled by a fresh and more positive frame of mind, Alan used our early sessions to debrief and review the events and circumstances of the 9 month period that had (a) consumed his energy and motivation, and (b) eroded his confidence and abilities as a manager
• We sifted facts from assumptions and separated contributing factors (that could be evidenced) from the more subjective, emotional interpretations
• We determined what could have been done differently or better and what – now being viewed from a more balanced and objective perspective – had been handled satisfactorily or well
• Over the course of the programme, we worked to progress Alan’s career goals, ideas for introducing more creativity into his work role (lateral thinking and idea generation were amongst Alan’s then untapped talents), and leisure and fun activities with his partner and son for greater life balance
• Journey goals included building a professional portfolio of projects, achievements and ideas, applying techniques for managing the challenges presented by a strong-minded and sometimes undermining team, creating opportunities for using those challenges to define acceptable/unacceptable team behaviours, promoting a stronger team identity and a partnership agreement
• Over the period of 2-3 months Alan regained his confidence and progressed his creative ideas at work
• During the second half of the programme – months 3-4 – he determined to commit to his employing organisation (he had been looking to leave) and pursue ideas with his line manager.  He received great feedback from peers and managers who commented on his transformation
• In parallel, he invested more time in the leisure interest that inspired him, with the longer term ambition of growing it into a business at an appropriate point in the future
• Reflecting on his coaching journey, he described himself as feeling pretty lost, aimless and downhearted before coaching and, though cautious because he didn’t know what to expect, he was clear that the programme had enabled him to dust himself off, take stock and see the wood from the trees. This – in his eyes – had motivated him to regain his foothold in a demanding, professional environment and take control.

A typical coaching programme is time-limited and relatively short-term. 1:1 sessions can be delivered face-to-face or by telephone or Skype. In Alan’s case, we used the telephone which actually helped with focus and concentration.

There needs to be sufficient time between sessions for the client to take the steps or complete actions that they commit to. Frequency of sessions can, therefore, vary. Whilst some clients favour weekly sessions to establish and maintain momentum, fortnightly or 3-weekly tends to be the norm, often extending to monthly or longer as the programme moves into its final phase.

All good coaches will sign-up to coaching programmes themselves. To promoters of Continuing Professional Development and performance improvement, it makes absolute sense, as does goal-setting. Meet a highly motivated, successful person and, more times than not, there will be time-framed goals involved.

Coaching delivers gains on multiple fronts.

In Alan’s case, it delivered measurable benefits for his employer, his managers, his colleagues, his team and, importantly, for his family.

Gains – because they involve the adoption of a new proactive mindset and changes to attitude, perspective and behaviours – are long-term.

Comparing direct teaching/training to coaching [I am qualified to comment on both], coaching – particularly when reinforced with mentoring – delivers longer lasting, positive results that are wide ranging and extensive in their impact.

To answer the headline question: Yes, I definitely see coaching delivering both a choice point and a launchpad…

Coaching: A Winning Formula…

Performance coaching is a greatly under-used resource here in the UK.  Its potential to deliver long-term benefits via short-term change programmes – frustratingly – can go unrecognised. People have a tendency to categorise and badge it a particular type, rather than understanding the change process involved. It is logical, it is sequential, it has multiple applications relevant to multiple environments and multiple personal and professional ambitions.

Coaching programmes are 100% responsive to clients’ starting positions and end goals because they are client-led. It is the client who sets the agenda and the coach who introduces skills and tools to facilitate achievement and deliver results.

Skilled application of coaching tools and questions enables decision-making, problem-solving, planning, review, option appraisal, clarification, plus plus plus… the list could run on.

Goal setting and achievement are fundamental to the process, as are the commitment and readiness of the client to embark on their particular and unique journey that is, inevitably, timeframed. The latter point is important; it is a crucial ingredient of the successful coaching formula:

COACHING + COMMITMENT = MOTIVATION + FOCUS + MOMENTUM = POSITIVE CHANGE + GREAT RESULTS

Success Snapshot

• A busy mum trying to get back into work and juggling lots of priorities (including school runs) over a hectic week, Carol started the coaching programme feeling lack-lustre, trying to cram a lot (too much?) into a limited amount of time and feeling overwhelmed as a result
• We concentrated, initially, on ranking Carol’s priorities, identifying pressure points, analysing her current weekly schedule, including fixed and movable routines and tasks
• By stepping back and viewing total available hours (before commitments) we were able to gain a clear and more objective perspective for re-allocating hours to tasks
• We explored what better life balance meant for her ahead of coming up with ways to create space for those new activities that Carol wanted to pursue
• We spotted habits that worked against her and those patterns and routines that worked well for her
• We clarified the choices and decisions she needed to make. There were some big decisions and changes required (eg, negotiation of a part-time contract in a professionally competitive field)
• By the end of the programme the work contract was in full swing, enabled by a weekly routine that worked
• By structuring diary space it was possible to plan time-out activities as well as supporting and encouraging spontaneity at weekends
• Checking in with her 3 months after her final coaching session, Carol has successfully maintained her achievements and is continuing to use the coaching questions and tools to regain perspective and balance when pressures start to mount. Effectively they provide a bridge from disorganisation that feels overwhelming to more focused prioritisation that promotes better life balance.

So… is recycling always the best option?!

There could be no chance of missing the fact that it is JANUARY – the start of a new year here in the UK, 6 weeks ahead of the Chinese New Year beginning 10th February.

For the past 2 weeks my doormat has been strewn with flyers for weight loss and get fit programmes, fresh starts and a new me! TV ads are publicising celebrity endorsed fitness DVDs, calorie counted ready meal home delivery services AND even healthy snack trays for people who want to adopt a healthy approach to grazing in-between the calorie counted meals… Does that mean, then, that I can hand over full responsibility for my eating habits as I commit to leading a healthier lifestyle? Now there’s some food for thought involving zero calories.

There are also the familiar cruise promotions and exclusive designer/holiday opportunities. Can an exclusive club be openly promoted? Maybe it’s the selection that is exclusive? Budget availability will – I feel sure – be a key determinant for whether access is denied or not. Interesting indeed…

Before Christmas I asked, If you were penning a stand-up routine for yourself, headlining ‘2012 Gains’, what would you include? What would you leave out and for what reason? What are the stand-out moments? How have you changed? What are your priorities? What are your plans?

If you are somebody who is keen on New Year resolutions, you may choose to review how you got on with what you resolved to do through 2012.

If you find that you are carrying forward the same resolutions at the strike of midnight on the 31st of every December, just check whether those resolutions sit more comfortably in a category of ‘ongoing journey’.

If resolutions are about good intentions that are meaningful and motivational, I’m up for them, although I would definitely recommend limiting their number.

If you are seriously committed to making changes or improvements – personal, professional, or both – then resolutions need to be worked up in more detail. We’re talking now about goal setting and action planning.

Our goals may relate to longer term ambitions (eg, what/where/how we want to be in a year’s time, 18 months from now, in 5 years’ time) or medium-term (looking at the next 6-9 months, say).  It’s for each of us to determine our timeframes and timeline allowances.

For the person who is spontaneous, immediate and very present, talking 6 months from now could well feel so remote that it becomes meaningless or painful!

As a general rule, IF our commitment and intention to see goal(s) through to achievement are both strong, we should expect to be taking action and making progress within the next 4 months.

What’s key is being able and motivated to commit to those steps we are ready to take between now and our target completion dates. Beyond the next 3-4 months and actions tend to become less clear and definite.

If we have a long-term end goal (eg, to have relocated to Scotland by June 2014), journey goals need to be defined and timeframed. Relocation to Scotland could remain an ambition or aspiration unless we get proactive about making it happen. Making it happen requires mapping, prioritising and taking control of those aspects of a relocation that are controllable AND being prepared to grab or create opportunities for ourselves.

Project planning principles come into play big style. Being clear about milestones  – where we need to be or what we need to be doing by when – can contribute significantly to the timely achievement of end goals.

Even shorter term and more straightforward goals benefit from milestone mapping.

Milestones enable us to track our progress and incentivise our onward journey. If our goals change en route, that’s okay provided we make a conscious decision to adjust or redefine them.

Aha… we’re now pinpointing the source of those repetitive, vague, frustrating resolutions that we keep talking about, recycle almost as a matter of routine, but don’t quite manage to see through to completion.

Goal setting and achievement involves a structured change process that calls for proactivity, commitment and incentives!

A balanced perspective comes into play too, taking into account what works well for us, our strengths, skills, talents and motivators.

What’s the real driving force for achieving that goal?!  Plug into it and draw energy from it.  It’s a resource that needs to be kept charged if it is to be harnessed to sustain momentum…

Here’s WISHING YOU A GREAT 2013, full of proactivity and exciting journeys!

Are we nearly there yet?!!!

Time waits for nobody and nothing! When we’re facing a brand new set of 12 months, that year can feel like a sizable period.  When we’re looking back, those same units of time can somehow seem reduced or compressed!

It’s a fact that our own busyness can actually disempower us. Perpetual pressure can distort reality and skew the accuracy of perspective. It can also significantly restrict creativity!

Most of us can and do get swept along by crazy paces and frenzied activity without ever pausing for breath or taking stock of where we’re at, how we’re doing, where we’re going, what we want to do next. Is what we’re actually doing what we really should be doing?

How often do we each spend a bit of time focusing on ourselves, taking stock of what we’ve achieved, what we’ve enjoyed, what we are keen not to repeat, what we want to remember and what we want to hone as valuable resources for fresh endeavours?

If you were penning a stand-up routine for yourself, headlining ‘2012 Gains’, what would you include? What would you leave out and for what reasons? What are the stand-out moments? How have you changed? What are your priorities? What are your intentions? What are you planning to do next?

Rather than an annual end of year review, why not reap the wisdom and benefits of your experiences on a regular and more frequent basis?

There are certain key questions that we ought to take the time and make the effort to answer for ourselves. The questions could be similar or different across a group of people. What’s important is that they are meaningful and insightful on a personal level.

I’m encouraging you to get serious about you, to navigate with greater self-awareness and curiosity, to hit the pause button and step down from the treadmill that you may be stuck on, and then consciously to survey the landscape to appreciate where you’ve been, what you’ve seen, who you have met, where you are right now, and where you’re heading next!

Exciting, isn’t it?!!!

Elastic only ever snaps when it’s stretched too far or too fast!

Adventurers and security seekers sit at opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to comfort zones. Both move into panic zones on occasions, but for opposite reasons.

Is either position right or wrong?

Is it the size of the stretch or the amount of control we have over that stretch that is the deal maker or breaker? Stress levels can shoot up for any one of us when choice is removed and control restricted.

Somebody pushed to move out of their comfort zone before they’re ready, when feeling unsure, exposed, vulnerable or reluctant, could well react with forceful emotion and resistant manoeuvring.

Heels may firmly be dug into the ground with a steadfast refusal to budge, the threats to their boundaries regarded with suspicion, a battle of wills fought with whoever or whatever is doing the pushing.

If you are the person trying to get the other person to stretch, you’re going to have to use coaching and mentoring skills to identify, measure and then reduce the conflict factors that are acting like brakes.

By working with the person to understand, plan and manage the transition they need to make to deliver a change, you will empower them to release those brakes.

By facilitating the stretch in appropriately sized increments, at a sensitive yet acceptable pace, you will strengthen the person’s ability to make their transition.

By enabling them to self-appraise and explore ALL opportunities created by a change, you will build an alternative viewing platform and motivators for sustaining forward motion.

By recognising their achievements and capabilities, you will open up access to personal development resources and incentivise a stretch.

For security seekers, knowing boundaries is of paramount importance for a continuing sense of wellbeing. Confidence and contentment come from familiarity, stability and a desire to maintain the status quo. Routines and solid foundations can be clung to like buoys when waters turn choppy. Trusted and long-established relationships are held close, often at the expense of new acquaintances who have to prove that they are trustworthy, dependable and reliable.

For the adventurers, stretching (and then stretching their stretch) is non-negotiable. It’s essential sustenance for their life force. The very thought of sticking within comfort zones causes panic and palpitations. It’s the equivalent of a ball and chain padlocked around both ankles, not just one.

Am I exaggerating my descriptions? For sure I am… AND, yes, I am simplifying like mad. We could come up with a great long list of people types when it comes to the challenge of change.

What we’re talking about here are big differences in the boundaries we place around ourselves AND in how we each react when other people or circumstances push at those boundaries. Shouldn’t these differences be acknowledged through more individualised approaches to change management?

Top Tips for becoming more positive

You know that old adage, ‘Smile and the whole world smiles with you‘? There’s also that glass measurement, ‘Half full or half empty‘.

If you are running on half empty, sayings like these can be [bleep, bleep – please feel free to insert your own vocabulary here!] annoying.  That said, there is definitely something in them.

Notice people around you – without being too obvious or harassing anybody – and consider their personas, how they approach challenges, how they manage change, the quality of their interactions. Who do you admire? Who do you warm to? And… who would you choose to work with?

Who would you reeeally like on your team at work or play?

I’m not presuming anything fantastic here because there are lots of factors and variables that will affect us. One assumption I am making is that most of us do not automatically gravitate towards the person who constantly looks for flaws and faults, who continually raises more arguments against than for, who frowns more than they smile, and who can – at their absolute peak – suck the life force out of everybody around them. [By the way, I am talking norms here – this attitude and behaviour are the norm for this particular person. It’s not a case of somebody temporarily going through a rough patch.]

We know full well that we can all change IF (a) we decide to and (b) we really really want to. We’re talking about reprogramming our thinking and our automatic reactions to situations. Speaking personally, I am not wanting to smile and whistle all the time, but I do want to adopt a more Positive Mental Attitude (PMA) that serves me well in what I do and how I interact with people. Here are some tips which you might like for starters…

1. Be self-aware (more than usual): Set yourself a timeframe (eg, 3 days, a week) to notice your attitude, your language, how you respond and react to different people and situations. Do you bring out the best in people? Do you contribute to things as positively and proactively as you can? What do you contribute? What do you ‘bring to the table’?
2. Notice your language: As a basic starter, notice your use of negative stock phrases like ‘Not too bad’ (in response to ‘How’s it going?’), ‘I don’t see why not’ (in response to ‘Can we do X…?’). Practise switching to more definite and positive vocabulary and phrasing, if you need to. It’s the increasing self-awareness and consciousness that are important here.
3. Take small steps to test out a new approach: This is about setting yourself some goals to break subconscious negative habits/patterns and consciously replace them with better habits/patterns. Eg, when you automatically think ‘This won’t work because…’, stop yourself and come up with 2 reasons why it could (or will) work. You could even adopt this as a team approach.
4. Have realistic expectations: If you are a perfection seeker, when do you feel satisfied? Whilst a continuous improvement philosophy can be a necessity, take time to recognise and enjoy what’s working well right now. Similarly, good enough can be good enough. Invest greatest effort and energy in what is most important.
5. Balance perspectives: Avoid letting worry, or fear of success or failure, become big stumbling blocks. Failure is actually an outcome that can be changed. Facing up to fear inducing tasks or situations, and then devising a strategy for working on them, can grow PMA. It’s the action of taking control that provides uplift and momentum for change.
6. Adopt a solution focus: Instead of analysing a problem (which can actually escalate it by placing emphasis on blame, causal factors, negative impacts and consequences), adopt an alternative perspective. By defining how you want something to be can open up the mind to options and unlock solutions. The more detailed you can be, the clearer you will be about your starting position. What’s working well right now? What should you do more of? What isn’t working for you so needs to stop? What experience and skills can you use? What resources can you call upon? What steps can you take right now to make things happen?

Let me know what you think! If you need to check anything, get in touch.  Ditto, if you have any experiences to share.

Coaching? Surely that’s just flipping hippy, American nonsense?!…

Absolutely not (I’m shouting that at high volume!).  Americans lead the way when it comes to coaching.  They have embraced and embedded coaching – in all of its forms – as part of their culture of personal development, achievement, performance, going for gold, gutsy drive and determination made worthwhile by the results delivered…

Is it unreasonable or unfair of me to suggest that we’re more cautious in the UK?  For sure, we tend to be more reserved and drier witted.  The mention of coaching – without labelling it any particular type – can actually polarize people. 

Some people don’t know what it is or what it involves; others can see it as a fluffy, self-indulgent process.  Then there are those individuals, more familiar with the process and tools, who can be interested in the potential for improving particular aspects of their lives (personal and professional) and making changes for the better.

What’s most rewarding for me – a coach – is the fact that it’s the people who have experienced coaching (here I’m talking about coaching for improving personal or professional performance) who become champions of the process.  They regard themselves as long-term beneficiaries of the skills and tools they become familiar with during a coaching programme.

A coaching client of mine has just completed a programme, so I asked him if he would provide a testimonial for my website.  Because he’s a busy middle manager and is in the thick of chasing organisational targets, feeling like he’s running to catch up, I invited feedback over the phone or as a set of bullet points in an email – whatever was easier.  I was surprised, delighted and moved by his written response, received the following day. 

This manager has challenged me, as a coach, as much as coaching has challenged his outlook.

 Upon first meeting, I discovered that his reluctance and guardedness was, in part, due to coaching having been suggested to him as a response to his line manager expressing concerns over his performance. 

Another substantial influencing factor was his struggle to come to terms with the results of a dyslexia assessment triggered by his disclosure of his difficulties with poor English.  He felt that he had had no choice other than to reveal his difficulties to his employer, fearing that he was facing formal HR/Personnel proceedings for under-performance. 

An essential feature of coaching is the dedicated time and space to think, analyse, review, debrief, without any risk of being judged or criticised.  Sessions provide a ‘safe haven’, but, more than that, an opportunity to filter thoughts and actions, to declutter, to step back from pressures, strains, all of that surrounding noise and busyness, to gain some clarity, focus and a more balanced perspective. 

Coaching is not a talking shop; it is action and goal focused, requiring high intention and commitment by the client to move forward.  Coaching questions are key to delivering desired outcomes and changes for people. 

There really are those ‘WOW’ moments, when everything suddenly becomes clear, when decisions or actions that previously had felt overwhelming now present as much more straightforward and attainable.

It took us our first 2 sessions to establish a starting position for moving forward.  And… we moved forward carefully and cautiously at first, as Antony explains:

‘…At the first meeting Dawn had a very suspicious, angry, bitter, disempowered, disengaged, and worried, deskilled, but above all, battered, bruised and very upset middle manager on her hands.

How would you work with such an individual?  This is where Dawn’s support came to the fore.

She quickly provided me with a safe space to deposit these feelings, to discuss them, analyse the issues, the problems.  When you are in this situation, you need someone to actively listen, but you also require to be challenged, probed and a range of strategies developed to find a way out through the impasse. …’.

Once we had broken through the initial barriers, we used visualisation to define goals and, over a period of 4 months, we tested a variety of management tools and resources, we used sessions to review what worked and what didn’t, we unpicked those factors blocking or hindering progress.

The sessions were structured and progressive, without frills or fluff, much to the relief of Antony, ‘…a natural sceptic who, when the term coaching was mentioned to me, thought flipping hippy, American nonsense…’!

What’s important to me, as a coach, is the realisation of people’s potential – whether relating to their personal or professional lives, or both.  A lot of people in the UK, I suspect, do not appreciate what coaching is or what it can deliver.  They do, sometimes, expect the frills and fluff and maybe, even, bells and whistles. 

My experience of facilitating and supporting changes for organisations and individuals – covering a quarter century so not insignificant – convinces me that coaching (particularly when it is combined with mentoring) needs to be understood much more than now AND delivered much more than now in order to be positioned highly as a vehicle for highest achievement and best performance.

Coaching is a skilful process, using fantastic tools and techniques, delivering top results; that is an undeniable fact!

What’s the problem? Announcing a platform change!

Have you ever noticed how problem-solving can actually emphasise all of the negative aspects – What’s not working?, What or who is to blame?, The causal factors?, The impacts and the consequences? 

The whole process often leads to a prolonged look backwards and in-depth analysis of the component parts and contributing factors.

A detailed re-run of events – Who did or said what?, What happened exactly?, Why did they do that?, What on earth were people thinking of? – brings to the surface raw emotions, accusatory posturing and reactionary defensiveness, whipping up puffy gusts of disharmony, dissatisfaction and out-and-out disgruntlement.

Even the simple and seemingly open question, ‘What’s wrong?’ can lead the person being asked to frame their reply from a negative perspective. 

Speaking personally, once I’ve plugged into a problem I can find myself sucked into it to such an extent that my energy and, quite often, my clarity of focus get zapped.  By the end of the exploration of my problem I’m left pretty much drained of any enthusiasm or gusto that could, if applied differently from the outset, propel me towards a resolution. 

There’s also that fascinating human tendency either to talk a problem up or play it down depending on the circumstance of the problem airing and the company in which we are orchestrating the problem sharing!  Either way, the factual accuracy and objectivity surrounding the problem become fuzzy at best or radically distorted at worst! 

Maybe, then, it’s more than just a good idea to change platforms for viewing destinations and solutions?  From my perspective, as a coach working with people to achieve positive changes and improvements in their professional and personal lives, it’s pretty much essential!

A solution focus – a cornerstone of an effective coaching process – will lead you to look forward to how you want things to be when the problem is resolved.  It means you have to look at things differently, from a completely different perspective.

By defining how you want something to be opens up your mind to options and unlocks solutions. 

The more detailed you are about how you want something to work or look or feel, the clearer you can be about your starting position… 

• What’s working well for you right now? 
• What should you do more of? 
• What isn’t working for you so needs to stop? 
• What experience and skills can you use? 
• What resources can you call upon (meaning people, knowledge, skills, and experience, rather than purely financial)? 
• What steps can you take right now to make things happen?

Adopting a solution focus reroutes your mindset from deficits and shortcomings to a much more constructive and, therefore, liberating consideration of possibilities, ways ahead, and, importantly, those actions that you feel ready and motivated to take.

Appraising strengths, what’s going well, what’s being worked towards, and those resources already in place to get there, generates momentum and motivation.  Whilst talking about a problem can actually escalate it (or, at least, not alleviate the feelings of negativity that surround it) because of the tendency to make assumptions and subjective analyses, a solution focus offers a much more comfortable and positive platform for embarkation.

Next time you get stuck in a problem – whether it be your own or another person’s – invest in this alternative approach.  It can be mighty powerful and deliver great results! 

If you need to check anything about the process, please do get in touch.  Ditto, if you have experiences or comments to share. 

I will be delighted to hear from you!

It’s simply a question of balance

OR IS IT?  What level of imbalance are you prepared to tolerate?

Across all the people I work with, I see huge differences in how they inter-weave and cope with multiple roles and responsibilities in life. 

There’s a limitless list of factors that will influence what they are prepared to put up with… whether the imbalance is short and temporary or long and enduring, voluntary or enforced, within their control or beyond it, exciting or frightening, constructive or destructive.  And… the reality is that people can have different tolerance thresholds at different times in their lives when it comes to coping with imbalance.  Some will even actively seek it, preferring the excitement of anarchy to the calmness of equilibrium.

A big issue for people nowadays is achieving balance across some pretty hefty and demanding priorities.  Life’s pace can be hectic, priorities are juggled with escalating urgency, hours in the day are squeezed and downtime is getting shorter as busyness increases. 

Then there’s brain activity, boy oh boy is that difficult to switch off when you’re under pressure.  Thought processing can run on and on if left unchecked, and talk about circular routes? It can be more a case of thoughts running in ever increasing spirals. 

I regularly hear people say, ‘the more I do, the more I get asked to do’, accompanied by the feeling that they’re on a never ending treadmill with very little breathing space or recovery time to appraise their efforts and successes. 

At work, dissatisfaction and frustration over mountainous workloads may be tempered with the satisfaction of a job well done, a reasonable salary, annual leave allowance, or even appreciation of having a job at all (which can feel like a position of privilege in the current economic climate).  The trouble is that effectiveness and efficiency can be at risk of being thwarted by constantly running to keep up. Regular office hours are no longer regular for many people out there.  Clocking off at 5.00 or 5.30 pm usually means taking work home. 

If you’re a workaholic and you thrive on the pressures of your job, you can feel exhilarated by working at a fast pace, all hours of the day and night, but please keep a check on how you are faring.

If you’re delivering well and achieving high standards most of the time, that’s great.  If you’re able to keep motivated and maintain high energy levels naturally, then you’re definitely on a roll.  Just watch, though, that you are not placing unrealistic or unreasonable demands on others around you.  Check, too, that you’re not leading by example at work, causing people to feel guilty if they clock off at a reasonable hour.  How are your work patterns impacting on those close to you?  And, finally, can your work patterns be sustained in the longer term or are you going hit the wall and burn out?

I’m not making any judgements here, at all.  What I’m pointing to, and feel strongly about, is a need to manage balance across all of your priorities (including handling temporary imbalances) to ensure sound physical and mental health.  Short and frequent bursts of pressure are great, they get adrenalin flowing.  When pressures exceed your ability to cope, that’s when things get tricky.

You can control how you distribute your time, attention, effort and energy across all the roles you fill in your life and the responsibilities they bring.  This may mean reclaiming control if you have lost it.  

If you are being buffeted around, bouncing between your priorities like a pinball machine, it really is time to hit the pause button and gain a firm foothold.  This now is about you managing physical and emotional demands made on your time and energy.  It’s about investing in your long-term effectiveness, keeping yourself fit, well and motivated. 

It’s you who controls your own balancing scales.  You can decide what is and isn’t acceptable or tolerable when it comes to tipping those scales.  Some priorities may well be fixed and routine (eg, doing school runs), others will be fitted or squeezed in as best you can. Priorities may move up or down in their weightings on a regular basis.  If other people are claiming more of your time than you can afford, there’s a decision to be made about how thinly you spread yourself.  Is it better for you to share your resources freely and widely in a scatter-gun effect (you can take ‘resources’ to mean time, energy, talents, skills, knowledge, effort, physical or emotional support) or to target them in a more concentrated and focused way?  You could well vary your approach depending on what your purpose is and what you are trying to achieve? 

What’s important is that YOU decide on and adopt the best approach for ensuring your effectiveness and positive outlook.

When you know you’ve got an event or situation coming up, you’re in a position to plan which can make life a whole lot easier.  When a crisis arises, the decision tends to be made for you.  The crisis creates immediate purpose requiring instant energy and action.  You’ll make immediate adjustments across your priorities to accommodate it.  Your balancing scales will most likely tip in favour of the crisis.  How long your scales are tipped for will need to be managed.  You have control over your reactions and recovery plans.

So… where have we got to?  I’m making a case for understanding and managing the demands on your time and energy.  Why bother?  Because your resources are not limitless and you have a responsibility to yourself for sustaining your health and wellbeing. 

Is it simply a question of balance?  Absolutely yes, in everything we say and do, in the choices and decisions we make, in how we react and interact, in all aspects of life, and across all generations…

I would be very interested to hear what achieving balance in your life means to you…  Is it important how much control you have over the priorities in your life?  Are you comfortable going with the flow, taking things as they come, ducking and diving, juggling and spinning? 

It would be REALLY good to hear from you.

Feeling a little bit of discomfort means you’re alive!

Working with so many different and interesting people, I continue to be intrigued by the differences in the width and depth of our comfort zones. 

For the adventurers, stretching (and then stretching their stretch) is non-negotiable.  It’s essential sustenance for their life force.  The very thought of sticking within comfort zones causes panic and palpitations.  It’s the equivalent of a ball & chain padlocked around both ankles, not just one. 

For security seekers, knowing boundaries is of paramount importance for a continuing sense of wellbeing.  Contentment comes from familiarity, stability, and a desire to maintain the status quo (if it’s okay).  Routines and solid foundations can be clung to like buoys when waters turn choppy.  Trusted and long-time relationships are held close, sometimes at the expense of new acquaintances who have to prove that they are trustworthy, dependable and reliable. 

Am I exaggerating my descriptions?  For sure I am…  AND, yes, I’m simplifying like mad.  You could come up with a great long list of people types when it comes to the challenge of change…  The question is, though, can you identify with either of my 2 descriptions, even if you don’t agree with them in their entirety?  What we’re talking about are big differences in the boundaries we place around ourselves AND in how we each react when other people or circumstances push at those boundaries.

Please understand that a desire for security isn’t unusual.  Coaching goals relating to increased stability and security in life are very, very valid.  As a coach and mentor, I support and encourage a wide range of people in the achievement of such goals.  There is an exception to this, though.  If somebody is playing it so safe that it’s costing them their potential, if they are setting themselves boundaries so tight that they are becoming restrictive, if somebody is feeling increasingly trapped or stuck, that’s when adopting different perspectives through coaching takes on the value of gold.  What are the reasons for tight boundary setting?  Are there pros to balance the cons?  What are the restrictions costing?  What are the motivators for nudging those boundaries (maybe just a little bit at first)?  I’m simplifying again, I know!  What really matters to me is that each person gets the opportunity to be their best, to realise potential, to be confident to try new things, to enjoy what they do, to minimise regrets or feelings of resentment.

Adventurers and security seekers position themselves at opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to comfort and stretch zones.  Both will move into panic zones on occasions, but for opposite reasons.

Is either position right or wrong?  If it works for the person, then it must be okay, right?  If they’re happy and motivated, then all’s got to be well, don’t you think?  But therein lies the dilemma…  If we don’t stretch ourselves, surely we’re missing out on new experiences, exciting opportunities and the potential to broaden our horizons? 

Is it the size of the stretch or the amount of control we have over that stretch that is the deal maker or breaker?  For sure, stress levels can shoot up for any one of us when choice is removed.  Somebody pushed to move out of their comfort zone before they’re ready, when they’re feeling unsure, vulnerable or reluctant, could well react with forceful emotion and resistant manoeuvring.  Heels may firmly be dug into the ground with a steadfast refusal to budge, the threats to their boundaries may be scrutinised and appraised with suspicion, a battle of wills fought with whoever or whatever is doing the pushing…  If you are the person trying to get the other person to stretch, you’re going to have to support the stretch and empower the person to be able to make some shifts.  Your skills will come to the fore in facilitating the stretch in appropriately sized increments, drawing out the person’s potential, revealing their motivators as resources to sustain it, and highlighting their progress and achievements.

Talk to an Olympian about stretch; it’s what’s got them to the Games.  They’ll tell you success comes from pushing their boundaries to the limit, driving themselves to exceed their best, looking forward, not backwards.  Motivation comes from achievement, so they keep setting new goals to push themselves further, exceed previous limits, and increase their physical and mental fitness.  Their spirit is fierce and the passion for their sport unquashable.  Their enthusiasm is infectious and their commitment inspiring. Here are people truly focused on going for gold.

Is it important to participate at the peak of your fitness, to perform to the best of your abilities, to be able to look back at an event in your life and know you gave it your all, you had one of the greatest experiences of your life?  I say ‘YES’!  I’m going to be cheesy here, so have your indigestion tablets at the ready…

If, with hand on heart, you feel confident that you are living to your fullest, enjoying the ride, collecting experiences, achieving ambitions, growing your knowledge, honing your skills, sharing your wisdoms, expanding your comfort zone, then I reckon you’re well on your way to becoming a gold medal winner.

A good friend of mine had her life cut short by breast cancer.  She didn’t know how long she had left to live, but she knew she was coming close to handing over her legacy.  When we met up for a lazy lunch, she looked fabulous.  Wearing her killer stilettos – in defiance of her consultant’s assessment of her skeleton’s performance (the cancer had spread to her bones) – she dwarfed me!  Her self-appraisal concluded that her appearance mattered to her, so why would she stop being vain (her word, not mine) now?  And yes, she still wanted to shop for latest trends and footwear that enabled her to walk tall and proud.

She was generous with her wisdom-sharing that day, though I don’t think she actually recognised it.  Already, she was stretching the boundaries of her medical assessment, not in terms of the cancer treatment, but her body’s capabilities.  As long as she could walk in mega heels, she would do so, which included clicking along the hospital corridors to her chemo sessions.  One key thing she would do differently, looking back from her new (and imposed) perspective?  She wouldn’t waste so much time cleaning her house (part of her Friday evening routine, after a full working week).  She would spend that time doing things she enjoyed (including eating butter instead of low fat spread!) and trying new things that she’d never tried.  All of the everyday/work issues that she used to niggle about had shrunk dramatically in their significance.  She had bigger and better things to do, so that’s what she made her priority for her remaining 6 months.  She made a conscious shift from security seeker to adventurer.

I learnt a lot from this friend and I think her legacy should be shared.  It may sound like a cliché, but life really does move at a fast pace (and with great stealth if you let it); none of us can afford to let it pass us by.  Are you paying enough attention to how you live your life and the improvements you can make to get the most out of whatever you do?

How brave are you when it comes to trying new things?

Let me know what you think.  It would good to hear from you…