Elastic only ever snaps when it’s stretched too far or too fast!

Adventurers and security seekers sit at opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to comfort zones. Both move into panic zones on occasions, but for opposite reasons.

Is either position right or wrong?

Is it the size of the stretch or the amount of control we have over that stretch that is the deal maker or breaker? Stress levels can shoot up for any one of us when choice is removed and control restricted.

Somebody pushed to move out of their comfort zone before they’re ready, when feeling unsure, exposed, vulnerable or reluctant, could well react with forceful emotion and resistant manoeuvring.

Heels may firmly be dug into the ground with a steadfast refusal to budge, the threats to their boundaries regarded with suspicion, a battle of wills fought with whoever or whatever is doing the pushing.

If you are the person trying to get the other person to stretch, you’re going to have to use coaching and mentoring skills to identify, measure and then reduce the conflict factors that are acting like brakes.

By working with the person to understand, plan and manage the transition they need to make to deliver a change, you will empower them to release those brakes.

By facilitating the stretch in appropriately sized increments, at a sensitive yet acceptable pace, you will strengthen the person’s ability to make their transition.

By enabling them to self-appraise and explore ALL opportunities created by a change, you will build an alternative viewing platform and motivators for sustaining forward motion.

By recognising their achievements and capabilities, you will open up access to personal development resources and incentivise a stretch.

For security seekers, knowing boundaries is of paramount importance for a continuing sense of wellbeing. Confidence and contentment come from familiarity, stability and a desire to maintain the status quo. Routines and solid foundations can be clung to like buoys when waters turn choppy. Trusted and long-established relationships are held close, often at the expense of new acquaintances who have to prove that they are trustworthy, dependable and reliable.

For the adventurers, stretching (and then stretching their stretch) is non-negotiable. It’s essential sustenance for their life force. The very thought of sticking within comfort zones causes panic and palpitations. It’s the equivalent of a ball and chain padlocked around both ankles, not just one.

Am I exaggerating my descriptions? For sure I am… AND, yes, I am simplifying like mad. We could come up with a great long list of people types when it comes to the challenge of change.

What we’re talking about here are big differences in the boundaries we place around ourselves AND in how we each react when other people or circumstances push at those boundaries. Shouldn’t these differences be acknowledged through more individualised approaches to change management?

FGF – do you want more?

Pick out the ingredients that create Feel Good Factor for you.  Notice them, measure them, decide what you need more or less of, then get cracking and take control of those things within your control.

Build buffers for downtimes and stormy weathers, discover antidotes to those long enduring demands and pressures that you know wear you down, fortify your spirits (I’m not meaning the alcoholic variety!).

Keep things manageable and set a rhythm that works for you.  Start with 5 FGF components and adapt or add to them.  Let me know how you get on.

1  Mood Foods:

Become more conscious of how your mood is affected by certain foods, particularly if you experience mood swings.  Do a bit of research for yourself – google ‘mood foods’ or ‘food and mood’.  Start to make some adjustments to your diet – what and when you eat – and test your reactions and the effects on your moods.  Keep a diary and treat it like an experiment.  Be prepared to replace old foods that work against you with new booster foods.

2  Energy:

You could combine your mood food experiment with tracking your energy levels because energy and mood fluctuations are so closely linked. Improve your sleep pattern and practise switching off.  Your aim is to be able to rest and recharge for maximum energy when you need and want it.  Get active to energise yourself, then allow yourself time to relax and unwind to balance your busyness.  Notice your peak hours –  when your energy is at its highest – and use those peak hours to their fullest.

3  Good Company: 

Spend more time with the people whose company you enjoy most.  Join up to try new activities.  Have regular get-togethers.  Talk more, laugh often, be interested in what’s happening locally, find out what’s happening where you live, get involved in community events, celebrate special occasions together, build up a strong support network.  Set up an interest group; use social media to publicise.  Be sociable.  Review relationships that don’t work for you and be prepared to make changes.  Invest in relationships that do work.  And, above all, value friendship and camaraderie.

4  Fun:

Set yourself goals to do more of what you enjoy.  Make space in your diary.   Don’t rely on the weather!  Make it part of your routine to look for things to do, places to go, people to meet.  Commit to following through.  Don’t let yourself opt out at the last minute.  Arrange to do things as a group if it helps.  Take it in turns to arrange an activity every month or couple of weeks.  Let your hair down, swing on the swings, run into the sea, go go-karting, have more picnics (indoors if needs be!), host more parties.  Recapture your childhood and youth. The simplest things can be the best.

5  New Experiences:

A bit like a bucket list, what have you always wanted to do that you haven’t got around to yet?  What have you been tempted to do, but  then lost your nerve?  What would nudge you out of your comfort zone to stretch you a bit?  What excites you?  What do you feel passionate about?  What  have you read or heard about that made you sit up and take notice?  Set yourself a target of trying something new every 3 months.  Keep a log of what you do.  At the end of the year, review & revel in all your achievements!

Pin-board magic!

No matter how upbeat or positive we may be as people, there are going to be rough patches and tough times when energy levels dip, everything feels like an effort and motivation flatlines. 

For a lot of us, dips can be seasonal; Winter Blues are very real for many people.  Then there are those times when it seems as though life is all about work and very little play, when work patterns and routines become difficult to break.

If you feel that you’ve forgotten what fun is, you might like to adopt the simple and relatively low cost idea based on the designer’s theme or mood board.  You can label it whatever you like – fun, inspiration, uplift, va va voom, new things to try – whatever works best you.  If you like the sound of it, here’s how you can develop it:

1.   Purchase a pin-board or a magnetic whiteboard, whatever your budget allows. It needs to be a size that can be displayed on a permanent basis in your home (or office, if using it for work) and needs to be accessible and visible without climbing over furniture.  I would suggest a size that’s large enough to accommodate a collection of 20-30 ideas and pictures. Choose a display position where you can stand in front of it, cup of tea or coffee in hand, to peruse at your leisure (much as you would a public notice-board, minus the coffee!).  You might want to opt for a shared ideas board for the family, for you and your partner, or you might opt to set up more than more board.  If the latter, try the idea out first to see if it works.

2.   Start collecting ideas that excite you – leaflets, articles, media features, postcards, imagery, flyers, photos, places to visit, people to meet, forthcoming events and activities, shows, productions, classes, gardens, walks… (the list is endless).  You know the types of thing I mean – it’s that something that you notice in passing that causes you to react, ‘Oooh I like that idea’, ‘I really fancy trying that’, ‘I’ve always wanted to have a go at that….’ – before your everyday life pushes it to the back of your mind and extinguishes the little spark of magic that fizzed up when you first read, saw or heard it.

3.   Pin up whatever you collect, but only IF the idea still appeals to you by the time you do so.  Keep every item visible.  The more colour and pictures, the better for those of us who are motivated visually.  If you like to be methodical and well organised in your approach, you might want to apply headings or themes such as ‘places to go’, ‘people to meet’, ‘new things to try’, ‘recommended eateries’, ‘theatre productions’, ‘local walks’, ‘holiday ideas for the kids’, ‘stress relief for me’…  The more attractive the display is to you, the better it will work in giving you a bit of uplift when you need it.

4.   The pin-board is effectively a living ‘list’ for you to manage.  At regular intervals (I suggest a minimum of once a month), you need to sift through your assortment of ideas.  If the ideas still appeal and are still relevant to you, keep them.  If they’ve faded or you think there’s no way that you’ll follow them through, scrap them.  Be quite firm about this.

5.   Make a commitment to make at least 1 of the ideas happen every 3 months, but more/more often if it’s possible and affordable. 

6.   Finally, but very importantly, when you are feeling at a low ebb and in need of a bit of revitalisation, make a cup of your favourite beverage, put on some good music (preferably with an upbeat) and peruse your ideas’ board.

This concept works well for specific goals too, such as adopting a healthier eating plan, increasing your fitness, refurbishing a room or house, upgrading the garden, learning a new skill, taking up a new sport.  In this case, you would collect items for display that are relevant to your goal, preferably that make you smile or feel excited, or that are good motivators for achieving your goal.  Pictures and photos really can work a lot of magic!

Let me know if you like the idea or if you already use something similar that works well for you when you need that bit of uplift…

It would be great to hear from you.

It’s simply a question of balance

OR IS IT?  What level of imbalance are you prepared to tolerate?

Across all the people I work with, I see huge differences in how they inter-weave and cope with multiple roles and responsibilities in life. 

There’s a limitless list of factors that will influence what they are prepared to put up with… whether the imbalance is short and temporary or long and enduring, voluntary or enforced, within their control or beyond it, exciting or frightening, constructive or destructive.  And… the reality is that people can have different tolerance thresholds at different times in their lives when it comes to coping with imbalance.  Some will even actively seek it, preferring the excitement of anarchy to the calmness of equilibrium.

A big issue for people nowadays is achieving balance across some pretty hefty and demanding priorities.  Life’s pace can be hectic, priorities are juggled with escalating urgency, hours in the day are squeezed and downtime is getting shorter as busyness increases. 

Then there’s brain activity, boy oh boy is that difficult to switch off when you’re under pressure.  Thought processing can run on and on if left unchecked, and talk about circular routes? It can be more a case of thoughts running in ever increasing spirals. 

I regularly hear people say, ‘the more I do, the more I get asked to do’, accompanied by the feeling that they’re on a never ending treadmill with very little breathing space or recovery time to appraise their efforts and successes. 

At work, dissatisfaction and frustration over mountainous workloads may be tempered with the satisfaction of a job well done, a reasonable salary, annual leave allowance, or even appreciation of having a job at all (which can feel like a position of privilege in the current economic climate).  The trouble is that effectiveness and efficiency can be at risk of being thwarted by constantly running to keep up. Regular office hours are no longer regular for many people out there.  Clocking off at 5.00 or 5.30 pm usually means taking work home. 

If you’re a workaholic and you thrive on the pressures of your job, you can feel exhilarated by working at a fast pace, all hours of the day and night, but please keep a check on how you are faring.

If you’re delivering well and achieving high standards most of the time, that’s great.  If you’re able to keep motivated and maintain high energy levels naturally, then you’re definitely on a roll.  Just watch, though, that you are not placing unrealistic or unreasonable demands on others around you.  Check, too, that you’re not leading by example at work, causing people to feel guilty if they clock off at a reasonable hour.  How are your work patterns impacting on those close to you?  And, finally, can your work patterns be sustained in the longer term or are you going hit the wall and burn out?

I’m not making any judgements here, at all.  What I’m pointing to, and feel strongly about, is a need to manage balance across all of your priorities (including handling temporary imbalances) to ensure sound physical and mental health.  Short and frequent bursts of pressure are great, they get adrenalin flowing.  When pressures exceed your ability to cope, that’s when things get tricky.

You can control how you distribute your time, attention, effort and energy across all the roles you fill in your life and the responsibilities they bring.  This may mean reclaiming control if you have lost it.  

If you are being buffeted around, bouncing between your priorities like a pinball machine, it really is time to hit the pause button and gain a firm foothold.  This now is about you managing physical and emotional demands made on your time and energy.  It’s about investing in your long-term effectiveness, keeping yourself fit, well and motivated. 

It’s you who controls your own balancing scales.  You can decide what is and isn’t acceptable or tolerable when it comes to tipping those scales.  Some priorities may well be fixed and routine (eg, doing school runs), others will be fitted or squeezed in as best you can. Priorities may move up or down in their weightings on a regular basis.  If other people are claiming more of your time than you can afford, there’s a decision to be made about how thinly you spread yourself.  Is it better for you to share your resources freely and widely in a scatter-gun effect (you can take ‘resources’ to mean time, energy, talents, skills, knowledge, effort, physical or emotional support) or to target them in a more concentrated and focused way?  You could well vary your approach depending on what your purpose is and what you are trying to achieve? 

What’s important is that YOU decide on and adopt the best approach for ensuring your effectiveness and positive outlook.

When you know you’ve got an event or situation coming up, you’re in a position to plan which can make life a whole lot easier.  When a crisis arises, the decision tends to be made for you.  The crisis creates immediate purpose requiring instant energy and action.  You’ll make immediate adjustments across your priorities to accommodate it.  Your balancing scales will most likely tip in favour of the crisis.  How long your scales are tipped for will need to be managed.  You have control over your reactions and recovery plans.

So… where have we got to?  I’m making a case for understanding and managing the demands on your time and energy.  Why bother?  Because your resources are not limitless and you have a responsibility to yourself for sustaining your health and wellbeing. 

Is it simply a question of balance?  Absolutely yes, in everything we say and do, in the choices and decisions we make, in how we react and interact, in all aspects of life, and across all generations…

I would be very interested to hear what achieving balance in your life means to you…  Is it important how much control you have over the priorities in your life?  Are you comfortable going with the flow, taking things as they come, ducking and diving, juggling and spinning? 

It would be REALLY good to hear from you.